Miscellaneous ramblings from a performance artist

2007-06-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

Bonfire at John's place on 16/06/07

2007-06-12T02:41:00.001-07:00

2007-03-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

An interesting position

I went to a lecture on leadership yesterday and I left feeling ill.

The first question the lecturer asked us was if the lecture was being recorded. We told her no.

She asked us what we were studying and we told her we were arts students. She implied that artists were notoriously bad at planning for the future. She spoke about money and the necessity of investing in shares and a managed fund so that if life problems arose, one could comfortably walk away.

"No problem is too big that you can't walk away from it," she said.

She said that many of us would get divorced if we got married, and that she could tell just by looking at us. She said that when that happened, it was a good idea to have money in the bank so we could just "walk away". She said that if we got divorced, to make sure it was worth our while financially; that it was one way of getting rich; and that signing a prenuptial agreement was a must.

She implied that because women were relational and "listen to people", they made better managers than men, but fortunately, some men were seeing the light and were learning how to "listen to people" and manage like women.

She spoke about how she had been divorced multiple times, about her numerous trips to financial advisers, the fact that her son had been diagnosed with a terminal illness but was now in long-term remission and was successful working as a labourer, the fact that every man she married had been an introvert. I could hear all the bitter undercurrents.

She did talk about leadership. However, she spoke about everything else for so much of it. I felt so distressed by having to sit through all of that. I felt as though she'd forcibly grabbed me by the shoulders and vomited on me, spewing her bitterness and angst. As a lecturer, she had everyone's attention and I felt she had really abused her power.

2007-03-15T02:50:00.000-07:00

An assignment for a drama subject

One of my assignments in a drama subject is to create a manifesto.

I'm resisting the very idea. I don't mind defining what I stand for and what my values are. But I hate the idea of attempting to describe how I hope my product, as an artist, should be received, or what I think it looks like. That seems rather egotistical, and I resist definition.

2007-03-15T02:49:00.000-07:00

A Manifesto about a Manifesto

I hereby declare that I do not create manifestos!

2007-03-05T22:00:00.000-08:00

Actual performance studies ramblings

This started out as a blog about performance studies, but it has been a long time since I've written anything performance-related.

Today in a tutorial, the tutor asked why there was so much cultural wealth in a town like Glasgow and why Brisbane was such a "cultural desert". Both towns have similar populations. But while one is filled with a vibrant arts scene, the other has a quiet art scene in comparison.

Sometimes I think Australia is a nation that is afraid of putting up a mirror to its identity, to own up to the uglier parts of its history. And so we potter along with this notion of who we think we are, when the truth doesn't match the reality. Cultural self-reflection is written off as artistic wank.

I know I'm speaking in general terms, and I do intend to eventually justify what I write in this post.

The tutor said that apartheid exists in Australia. That gave me something to think about.

2007-01-01T00:32:00.000-08:00

From the Sunshine Coast

I'm blogging from Peregian Beach, the Sunshine Coast. There's a nearby internet den I'm using.

I've been here since Sunday afternoon. A group of us celebrated the New Year out here.

It has been so good to get away for a little way. I loooove the beach. And the coast is so beautiful. The weather has been cool (for summer) and I'm really enjoying that.

This afternoon, Gloria, John, Matthew and Mike headed back. Ernie, Katrina and I stayed on. Tomorrow I'm catching up with a friend from Townsville. He's holidaying at the Sunshine Coast too, and it's pretty fortuitous that we're here at the same time. It'll be really good to see him.

Katrina is cooking a roast tonight. Hurrah!

Hope everyone had a Happy New Year. Thinking of you all.

2006-12-20T03:48:00.000-08:00

Back from Projection

I have been asked to blog about Projection.

Projection came and went so quickly. Before I could blink, it was over.

It some ways, it felt crazier than Schoolies street chaplaincy. At Projection, I was with the same people, day in, day out. About 30 people were on last year's street chaplaincy team and you were hitting the streets with a different combination of four people each night. With Projection, I was with Ian, James, Greg, Michael, Paul, Richard and Sean during the "office hours" times. I picked up people's idiosyncracies within days and I am sure they spotted mine quickly too.

It's Wednesday as I write this. Five days after project has ended. I'm already missing the guys. I miss the endless chats about pop culture and movies and theatre and who knows what else. I miss bursting into musical numbers with them and doing the chicken dance around the office.

I miss them as individuals too. I miss Ian for his wit and cleverness; James for his easy-goingness and his endless capacity to listen; I miss Greg for his caring heart and empathy; I miss Richard for his stimulating conversation and depth; I miss Sean for his realness and honesty; Michael for his level-headedness and gentle humour. Paul was cool too, and so was the lovely Trish, as well as the legends Heather and Cam and the wonderful Christina. I miss four-year-old Welly and seven-month-old Anastasia.

I came to Projection focused on doing work for God's kingdom, and I did. You can find some of my writing at http://www.everystudent.com.au/ - I wrote up a few people's testimonies. The video guys made an amazing video and the web guys did an admirable job upgrading the website.

What I didn't expect was learning so much about myself. I learnt about how I react under pressure, how I react to different personality types, what I really need to work on about myself... I guess being around strangers in an unfamiliar environment really exposes one's flaws. The friends you unknowingly use as a crutch, suddenly aren't around to support you.

I am still processing the experience. Last year, I'd processed the schoolies experience within three days. Could articulate what I'd learnt, how it affected me. I'm not sure if I can cleanly articulate what I learnt on Projection, aside from how to fire a blackpowder cannon, entertain a baby, play the 12 bar blues, user Internet Explorer 7 and explain I.D. It will take some time.

I want to apologise to the guys for the times when I was a grouch; the times when I pulled back and isolated myself when I should have hung out; the times when I should have pulled back and taken some time out between Cat and God; the times when…

I will never be able to think about Projection without envisioning Ian and his camera and Sean and his vaudeville routines and Greg and his morning rounds of chocolate and Richard and his cartooning and Michael and his awe-inspiring card tricks…

Before I went to Projection, I was a little anxious about how God wanted me to serve in the future. Now I can see that God asks people to serve in the way He built them to serve. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do. When we serve how we're born to serve, we're happiest.

I am still not clear how I am meant to serve, but I am ready to serve, and to follow.

When I've processed things more, I'll blog again about Projection. But I'll post pics soon.

2006-11-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

PROJECTION UPDATE #5

A relative asked me about Projection today. After I explained to her that the goal was to project the Gospel message through multimedia, she offered to give me $100 towards the project.

I haven't accepted the money yet. Haven't refused it, but haven't accepted it. I almost didn't know how to react, because she's not a Christian and didn't like it when I became a Christian.

Everyone who I've been explaining the project to has reacted surprisingly favourably. I was at a missions conference yesterday, when one girl just thought the whole concept rocked. "How exciting," she said. And I thought it would be an impossible project to explain to anyone...!

2006-10-31T22:02:00.000-08:00

Inner-city development

It's everywhere! A few photos of King George Square and the church across the road...

2006-10-31T03:29:00.000-08:00

PROJECTION UPDATE #4

I can't believe how God is providing... today a friend sent me an e-mail, offering to make a contribution to the project.... the amount he mentioned is the exact balance I have owing!

The thing is, he had no idea how much I had owing!

Is that a coincidence or what? I think not. How good is God?!

I am bowled over...

2006-10-28T21:10:00.000-07:00

PROJECTION UPDATE #3

God is praiseworthy

The Watoto Children's Choir sang in church this morning. They were spectacular. For those of you who don't know who they are, check them out at www.watoto.com. The children were so cute and their stories about the difference that God has made in their lives was so touching. The Choir is the highly visible part of a ministry to their parentless children of Uganda.

More contact

Got an e-mail from someone from the project. She wrote that as the only female student on Projection, the three female members of staff would be doting on me.

"So brace yourself for a whole lot of quality D&Ms, chocolate, ice-cream and
giggles!"

Hurrah!!! I can't wait!!!

Accommodation

I have found out where I'm staying... with one of the staff members, Trish. Hurrah!

Support raising

I am humbled by the way God is providing... three people from church gave me finance this morning... I am literally blown away... I am speechless...

I was told by one giver, a woman who just returned from a missions trip to Uganda, that I need to learn to receive, as well as give, and that it's sometimes so much more humbling to receive than give.

In the face of my gratitude, another giver said, "We're family, aren't we?" He had just come back from the same missions trip on Uganda. I like how he defines family. It's so... Christ-like!

Another giver (well, I'll mention your name if you're cool about it! I know you read my posts) is also support raising for her outreach project. I am overwhelmed that she supported me too.

I don't know what to say. Thank you, I guess. It seems so inadequate!

2006-10-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

PROJECTION UPDATE #2

I am not worthy

I've been e-mailing friends to ask for prayer and financial support for Projection and I have been so overwhelmed by the replies. I still have a long way to go before I raise all the money (the first financial deadline is November 3 - gulp!) but I am staggered by the e-mails from well-wishers, offering to pray and wanting to stay updated.

Some people have offered financial support... I don't know how much for yet, they have just told me they will support me. A couple of those people could probably ill-afford to give financially, because they've just come back from an overseas missions trip. Their generosity is utterly humbling. A part of me has this lingering feeling of not being worthy... I mean, they are not just supporting me, they are supporting to me to do God's work and I just hope, hope, hope that I am equal to the task. I hope that I prove that their faith in me is justified.

I know I don't have to prove anything. I know that I have to come ready to work, willing to be challenged and fully trusting God. I guess I have a tendency, whenever I feel "unworthy", to work doubly as hard, to compensate. I know God isn't calling me to do that. He doesn't want me relying on my own strength. He wants me to believe that through Him and Him alone, I can accomplish things for His glory. So the focus is off me, and it's on Him. And I am being supported because those people believe that God's work can be carried out by utterly ordinary, seemingly insignificant people - like me.

2006-10-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Ode to my dog

I am seriously thinking of renaming my blog "Ode to my dog" because I keep referring to him.

We renovated recently, ripping up the carpet in the living area to expose some gorgeous polished timber floorboards underneath. Mum insisted we cut a square of carpet and place it back in the corner of the room where my dog likes to take afternoon naps, so he'd be comfortable.

2006-10-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Inner-city renovations

Still working out what I think about what the council has done to the expanse in front of the casino...

... it might take a while for the metallic "public art" sculptures to grow on me...

2006-10-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

The Jacarandas are in bloom!

Hurrah! Well, they've been out for weeks, but I haven't taken a photograph until now... yes, exam season is in the air!!!

2006-10-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

PROJECTION UPDATE

For those of you who bother reading this page and are wondering about my summer project, here's some info...

Brief blurb

It's called Projection (like, duh). It's a multimedia missions project; Dec 2-15 in the "Garden City". We're using our collective IT, graphic design, video-making and journalism skills to create content that projects the Gospel message.

The team

There's 11 of us - 5 students and 6 missos. I'm the only student who is not from Sydney's Macquarie Uni.

Making contact

Have spoken once on the phone to the guy spearheading the project. Plus I've realised that I've actually met another one of the missos last year on MYC. Borrowed a schoolies "tradition" and asked if a "getting to know you" e-mail quiz could be circulated, and so far more than half the team has participated. I've added three of them as friends to myspace.

Accommodation

4 of the missos involved (two married couples) live in Toowoomba, so they don't have to source their accommodation. I think I heard that everyone else is crashing at Peter Brook's place, except me of course, because I'm a girl. I'm not sure where I'm staying yet.

Transport

The Sydneysiders are flying in to Brisbane, and then I'm meeting them to catch a bus.

Support raising

So far I've raised a grand total of $40... the project costs $700 and I have to pay a $50 bus fare on top of that. So if anyone wants to support me, it would be sooooooooooo appreciated.

Expectations

Have no idea what to expect, so I have no expectations. I'll go with the flow. I'm sure it will be fun, though.

2006-10-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose? By any other name would smell as sweet."
- Romeo and Juliet, Act II, scene ii

Have you ever wondered if your parents called you the wrong name?

This week, I was called Christine... yet again!

It brought back memories of high school, when I had a friend called Christine. Teachers would occasionally get us mixed up.

At a newspaper where I used to work, a staff member was still calling me Christine after almost four years. Weird. My byline was in the paper just about everyday and he read the paper from cover to cover... everyday.

Funnier still, the guy who got my name wrong this week, had booked my bus ticket for a trip to a multimedia project I'm doing in December. I can just imagine trying to board the bus and claiming the passenger list is actually wrong...

2006-09-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

Another definition

Shopping bulimia - the act of refunding multiple impulse buys, usually as a result of buyers remorse

2006-09-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

If the shoe fits...

I went to a salsa dancing party tonight and unexpectedly had a great time. I wouldn't have gone, had I not been accompanying a friend whom I'd invited to come.

At the last salsa party, I was a guy. I'd elected to learn and dance the male part all night, because there were far more girls there than guys. I suspected that was what I was going to have to do tonight, and I wouldn't have minded too much.

But to my surprise, the ratio was even, so I could be a girl all night. What a luxury! I even got in some dances with my dance partner, who was on bar duty. We just danced in the kitchen.

I don't think I've had that much fun in a long while.

2006-09-13T05:19:00.000-07:00

More replacing

I went to the Department of Transport to get a new learner's permit today.

They took my photo.

I sat down and waited.

They called my name. They asked to take another photo. And they did.

I sat down and waited.

They called my name. They asked to take another photo. And they did.

I sat down and waited.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the underlying problem is that I'm what my optometrist calls "glare sensitive" - bright lights (even ordinary camera flashes) hurt my eyes, more so than the average person. Even momentarily exposure to certain bright light can make my eyes sore for ages, make me see multi-coloured shapes floating about. (Bad news for someone like me, who really enjoys acting in the theatre - stage lights can be pretty harsh and hot)

The Very Patient woman with the camera ended up asking if I could remove my glasses to see if that stopped me from blinking.

I opened my mouth to object but before I could say a word, she said:

"It's okay. As long as you wear them driving!"

2006-09-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

Nomadic

I have moved 14 times in the past 5 years. Unbelievable! I went to apply for a new Medicare card yesterday and they asked me what my address was on the system. I must have gone through five or six addresses until I gave them the right one.

2006-08-30T05:42:00.000-07:00

I move on...

I lost my wallet today.

I say "lost", although in all likelihood, it was stolen. Long story. Don't ask.

I realise what a strange thing identity is. If you were to lose all identifying documentation, such as a birth certificate, driver's licence, passport, etc., well; how could you legally identify yourself? Especially when so many institutions, such as a real estate agency, bank and so forth, rely on a "points system".

I've cancelled my bankcards. I'm getting a new student ID and learner's permit.

While I was on the phone to the bank, I suddenly thought, !do I want to stay with this bank?! !do I really need three separate accounts?! !and it's a good thing I'm getting a new learner's permit! !i think it had an old address on it! ...

I am not the contents of my wallet.

Making the arrangements is the strangest feeling. Yet strangely liberating.

2006-08-07T04:39:00.000-07:00

I WANT YOU!

That's right, folks. I DESPERATELY need my car licence and am looking for people to teach me how to drive. The more people, the better, so that I can share the burden around :-)

So if you hold an open licence and wouldn't mind giving me a driving lesson or two, I am willing to do one of the following things in exchange:

#1. Cleaning duties
#2. Gardening
#3. Cooking
#4. Proofreading or editing a document of your choice (an essay, report, etc; my actual literacy level is much better than what is displayed here!)
#5. Um... teach you how to fold origami? (hey, I'm a pro!)
#6. Er... knit you a scarf? (if you don't mind getting it by summer!)
#7. Give you music lessons (beginners only - and only keyboard and recorder!)
#8. Show you how to do Chinese papercut art (like woodcuts, but with card)
#9. Give you endless amounts of gratitude and praise?

Ok, I'm not selling this well, am I? What I'm basically saying is, that if you help me out, I'll find something to do in return.

And aside from all of that, I will definitely be sincerely grateful for your help.

SO PLEASE HELP ME! I NEED MY LICENCE!

2006-08-05T06:38:00.000-07:00

A scary pact

For those of you who bother reading my blog, many apologies for not writing for a long time. I'm spending tonight creating posts about things that have stood out to me in the past month (whether they're significant or frivolous)...

On the last day of a July conference, I made a pact with a trusted friend.

We both woke up early and went to the beach, where we watched the sun ascend above the horizon, and the sky, lighten ever so gloriously.

As we hadn't had a good talk in weeks, we spent the morning catching up. We had moved to Brisbane around the same time, and both went through a similar settling in process. He revealed that the past year had been one of the hardest in his life. I admitted as much. We both ended up admitting that we had fantasies of skipping town.

I couldn't stay for long. I had to return to the conference. Before we parted ways, he said, "Okay, if you don't shoot through, I won't. Deal?"

I agreed.

After a year of battling almost overwhelming temptations to leave, including almost moving to Sydney to take up a deferred law course, it marked a new beginning.

So, folks, I'll be around until I graduate in 3 semesters' time, at the very least.

2006-08-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

Another miscellaneous definition

The sabotage point

Of, or relating to, a tendency, after a certain given period, to unconsciously undermine the relationships one has with those around oneself, so as to create justifications to uproot oneself and leave, in a wholly irrational and self-perpetuating cycle.

Typical symptoms include picking fights with friends and work colleagues; an increasing sense of being at odds with neighbours, social circles and other networks; an intensifying inability to tolerate individuals whose flaws one has previously been able to overlook; an increasing distaste for ones' surroundings or an aspect thereof; habitual fantasies of relocating with no notice; and an unbearable feeling of suffocation, with departure seemingly the only solution.

More commonly, "sabotage point" refers to the length of the period in which an inflicted individual usually experiences the aforementioned symptoms. Notably, the "sabotage point" is merely a manifestation of an inherent malady, in which underlying causes vary from affected individual to individual.

eg., "Alex has got a sabotage point of two years - then it's, adios, amigos - and don't call me, I'll call you."

"It's not about your job, your boyfriend, or what even what you did with your boss at the Christmas party - those are just symptoms, Becky. The truth is, you've reached your sabotage point and now you're just doing stupid stuff to create excuses to shoot through."

Individuals who are most vulnerable to experiencing the "sabotage point" phenomenon include army brats, pastors' kids, circus babies and anyone who has experienced a transient and fractured lifestyle during their developmental years.

2006-08-05T05:12:00.000-07:00

The notorious little sun baking one

The family dog has been in a better mood lately, since it has gotten warmer. He pesters me to get away from my textbooks and go outside and enjoy the sun with him. That's what I love about dogs... they appreciate the simple things in life...

2006-06-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

Rainy day dog

This is what my normally active, outdoors loving dog does on rainy days...

Poor thing.

2006-05-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

The Deportation Class

I had to watch a short doco, The Deportation Class, for a subject today.

It was about the actions taken by a German network, No one is illegal, following the death of Amir Ageeb in 1999. Ageeb was a Sudanese citizen who died on a Lufthansa flight as a result of being ill-treated by three German border guards.

The activists said that they didn't expect society would change any time soon. That made me sad. We've made pheonomenal advances in technology, science, medicine, but spiritually, humanity as a whole is still in the Dark Ages.

2006-05-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

The techno dinosaur gives choreography a try...

For our physical theatre class today, we were asked to perform a self-choreographed 3 minute movement piece.

Being completely pov, and somewhat of a techno dinosaur, I do not own an iPod. In fact, I don't even own a stereo that can play CDs. The only CD playing facility that I own is a discman that I inherited from my brother several years ago. This virtually antiquated device cannot play unless it is in the upright position. It has no external speakers, so you have to use a headset.

Imagine how difficult it is to compose a movement piece to a piece of music you're listening to from your discman, all the while trying to hold the said device in the palm of your hand.

In class, I watched graceful classmates from dance backgrounds just make up their movement pieces on the spot. Hmmm... the movement genre I've most consistently trained in is stage combat. I mean, I'm capable of heavy falls without hurting myself and some cool-looking, kick arse wrestling manoeuvres... but somehow I don't think I could have incorporated that into my routine. Shame.

2006-04-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

A conversation in which your blogger makes a fool of herself

After dropping off the arts scene radar for an entire year, I made it to Playlab's annual general meeting last Friday night (April 28, 2006). I was asked to come to help the AGM meet quorum.

Having only moved back to Brisbane a little over a year ago, I knew very few people in the room. That didn't bother me in the slightest. I had no agenda for being there, other than adding myself to the body count.

When the meeting ended, I introduced myself to a quiet gentleman sitting nearby, in the corner. He said his name was Errol and mentioned that he was writing a play. For the next 30 minutes or so, we proceeded to talk about globalisation, homogenisation, Australia's cultural identity, worldwide poverty, the history of Brisbane, telecommunications and access, the media, the state of the arts, the national film and television industry, the theatre, making a living as an artist... I have to admit I have some pretty strong opinions, and I wasn't afraid of voicing them...

"By the way," I asked, "What's your last name?"
"O'Neill," he answered.

Words cannot describe how I felt.

"Oh," was all I could say. "... Um, what was the last play you had produced?"
"A little play that ran two years ago - The Mayne Inheritance."

At that point, I felt like crawling under the table.

I had just spent the past half hour obnoxiously expounding my opinions to one of Queensland's Theatre Giants, whose work I truly respect. Perhaps it was fortunate that I didn't know who he was when I began to talking to him, or else I just wouldn't have known what to say.

To my horror, a starstruck feeling began to take hold of me. So I just kept waffling. The conversation ended with an awkward goodbye not long after.

There was a considerable supply of alcohol at the event. I just hope he wasn't aware that I was actually sober when I was talking to him.

2006-04-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

Miscellaneous definitions

Post exam slump - the irrational panic experienced by an individual immediately after the completion of their exams. Believed to be caused by the shock of suddenly actually having time on one's hands, after weeks of textbook submersion, sleep-deprivation, caffeine overdoses and other forms of torture. Symptoms of PES include pacing, disorientation, anti-social behaviour and the masochistic (though usually subconscious) desire to have to prepare for just one more exam.

Pseudo relationship - a domestic arrangement with a housemate of the opposite gender involving rosters for such things as - whose turn it is to cook dinner, go on a laundromat run or rent the DVDS for the quiet Friday night at home. Akin to a de facto relationship but with none of the sex, as well as an increasing sense of awkwardness on the part of both parties.

2006-04-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

Right brain, left brain split misfit

I study drama. I also do law subjects. Subsequently, when my drama peers ask me what my elective area is, I take a breath before telling them. No matter what they say, the sub-text of their words speak volumes - Freak. They can't imagine what I'd find so fascinating about something as apparently dry as statutory interpretation and Commonwealth legislation

Funnily enough, I get the same reception when I'm speaking to some of my peers in my law subjects. Freak! By the look in their eye, I might as well be wearing cheesecloth and singing Mama Cass songs as I sit around a campfire with my other supposed artistic oddball friends.

The thing is, I love performing. I also love academia, although I don't consider myself very dramatic or very academic! However, I do feel fortunate to be able to reside in both worlds, and yet not be forced to choose. I love listening to a lecture on jurisprudence before running off to a two physical theatre workshop. I like the mental stimulation of law, and the creative side of performance. They balance each other out, and sharpen my appreciation for both.

2005-10-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

Hey there,

I've always been a little afraid of technology, but here goes...

Pardon my techno naivete. This is my first blog (so I'm still getting the hang of things). It's going to document my five weeks of working on a performance piece called "A Long Table on Performance and Human Rights". This is a group devised work. I am one of 14 cast members.

Today is my second rehearsal day on the work.

More posts to come later.

Over and out!